Just like before

and im fated to study in pineng again~ hehe.. actually im the one who choose to cont my study there, but i never thought that my wish ever come true~ i would like to live far away from home.. ^^ what a daughter.. aishhh... anyway, another dream of my come true... 2PM is coming to town~ although i'm not affordable to go there, but i will try my luck on getting the free ticket~ wish me luck!~ ^^... finger cross~

....

all this while, i've been holding this back~ and i can't hold it anymore... why 2 days feel so long~ i can't wait to get away from here~ if i continue living here, i don't what will happen next~ plz, for this past 2 days, plz don't let me do any mistakes.... i don't want him to hate me even more~ i can't bare it anymore~

im such a loser!!~ am i?~

My failure was the disappointment to my parents~ i never get things right~ i always disappointed my parent.. probably forever i guest~ why can't i be the daughter that can be proud of~ sincerely, i always feel like dying whenever i disappointed them.. i always pray that if i might hurt them again or maybe trouble them in the future, i rather die myself!!~ is it a sin if we ask for our life to be taken if we might trouble our love one?? seriously, i dont want to make my parent feel annoyed, or fed up or hurt whenever they see me in a future.. why can't i just die??

i really want to cry right now.. but its all too late now.. there's no turning back~ my tears will be such a waste~i have a dream.. i really do.. but im not talent enough too achieve it~ if i had train myself before, i may be success or even try to achieve my dream~ but now, what i can do was just dreaming~ and now i disappointed my parents again~ again and again~ seriously, i really hate myself...~

i'm really sorry for letting you all down~ i really do~

i'm doomed!!

why i cant success like others??? is it just me or god really hate me?? i had disappoint my parents once again!! aishh~ rite now, i cant think of anything~.. what should i do? should i get away from here, stay my own new life and wont trouble my family anymore? but where should i go? eotteohke!~ T_T

AKTF!!

i feel like crying again today~ but try to endure myself.. i dont know how long i can take it.. why i cant just forget about them.. isn't it gonna be easy for me.. i wont cry anymore.. i will not stress anymore.. im not even official cassie fan club member.. why did i worry so much.. before this i can easily change my favorite group to other group/artist.. but why now it is hard for me to forget DBSK.. it is not like i dont want to be their fan anymore.. i just want to forget their sadness moment.. if im continue like this, my tears will be dry soon enough.. why i just cannot stop myself to google DBSK, search any video of DBSK on youtube??? i need to stop obsessed with them.. if not im gonna hurt a lot more... T.T iza.. uljima!!~ i really want to know how to contact them.. especially HOMIN.. they dont even have their twitter..!! wae?? if they do, i wont be suffer this bad!~ i cant stop thinking who is right, who is wrong! soon enough my heads gonna explode!!~ jaebal!!

am i obsessed???

am i that obsessed to TVXQ??? if not, why am i crying? this past few days (even today) i have been crying because of DBSK/TVXQ/HOMIN/JYJ.. no matter what they have been called... for me, they are DBSK as 5.. when i watching JYJ concert in OSAKA, title W, i know that deep down they really miss their hyung and dongsaeng~ its not im bias to JYJ or what soever.. since im a fan of YUNHO, im not bias to HOMIN (new name they been called lately) either... i just miss, love and need DBSK as 5~ not 2 or 3.... i need five of them..

i can feel their sadness to their brother that have been their family for 5 years~ how much they miss them.. at first, i thought (JYJ song) why W? but now i know.. its the point connecting those line.. 5 point... they need each other..

we.. especially me, i dont mind if they did not build back their team coz i know its hard.. but cant they at least contact each other.. as brother.. if they can be friend with other artist from other company, why cant the be friend back with their own brother.. wae??

i just run through wiki, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassiopeia_(constellation) now i know why the DBSK fan club are called cassiopeia and why this song is W.. i know now.. this is really reperesent Yunho,Jaejooong,Yoochun,Junsu and Changmin.. exactly like them..

before this i can laugh whenever yunho oppa laugh, smile.. but now.. i cannot smile again.. each time i think of them my heart hurts n only tears that i have~ what i feel hurt the most, the previous fan club with almost 800000 fan is vanished.. i cannot find it just like that.. why? do u really want us your fan to break also? i cannot stop crying even until now.. my heart feel hurt like crazy.. am i that obsessed? plz someone~ tell me...

before this i never like TVXQ.. not even when they are 5 in a group.. i keep wondering, why did they have so many fan?? and one day recently i starting to love TVXQ~ but just when there are two of them now (yunho n changmin oppa) and i never like the other ex-member.. maybe coz they did not in the same group anymore..

but tonight.. im burst of tears~ i cannot stop crying.. and im wondering.. why did they break the group.. my opinion totally change.. i say a vid that fan made for them.. moment of 5.. hard and tears of five brothers~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBsslqCOV0A&feature=related

they spent the best time togetheer.. went through all the hardship 2gether but then is it up too 5 years only? when i see those other member crying i thought, it must be hard for yunho oppa.. since he did not cry like the other member.. that show how strong he is.. although im sure he really sad even after the break up rite after they become close and become like a brother.. he still not crying... and whenever i saw how hard he endure himself from being sad its killing me.. and im crying for him again... aisshh~ T_T

all the awards, the fan teh pain and the tears.. are they for nothing? even though i did not know the reason they (the other three) sue their company, is it really necessary for them to break up their group? why they cannot make up and rebuild it back, put the harsh thing aside? no matter what it is.. im sure when we think back the great thing have done 2gether isn't it a great memory to cherish forever?

jebal... i need an answer.. we need your answer~ T_T

Over ke aku?

title tu mesti buat aku nampak mcm pompuan yg gedik2~ haha.. tp tu je tajuk yg dpt aku pikir.. ini semua bermula 5 minit yg lalu.. for the second time air mata aku mengalir.. bukan sbb ape, aku betul2 tersentuh dengan persembahan yunho oppa (TVXQ) leader.. sekarang ni kan aku dmm TVXQ.. lol

dulu pon pernah sekali.. tp dulu sbb Junsu oppa (2PM) sbb time tu aku tgh gle 2PM.. lol.. overkan aku? ape yg aku nk ckp kat cni ialah, x semua artist boleh menitiskan air mata aku bukan sbb lagu tangkap leleh diorg ke ape.. tp pasal performance diorg, kesungguhan, kesusahan dan ketabahan demi peminat2.. cehhh.. bermadah pulak aku ni... tp mmg..

aku nagis sbb Junsu Oppa sbb walaupon kaki die sakit, die still buat persembahan.. but he cannot dance.. and i can see in his eye that he really want to dance on stage with his group.. tp kehadiran die dah cukup untuk peminat melihat passion dia pada muzik n peminat die..

next tears is for SS501 group.. on their last showcase for their fans.. as a present kerana menyokong diorg.. begitu dia sygkan peminat.. sampai time nyanyi pon diorg nangis.. [just 4 sharing; http://www.balayluntian.info/?p=2211, http://marinastory.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/photos-ss501-tvn-x-concert-13-06-2010-and-why-they-cry/] SS501 fighting! hope u guys can rebuild back your group.. T_T

now this new tears is for yunho Oppa... lepas krisis tentang group die, die kuatkan diri.. n make a comeback for TVXQ fan.. semangat die cukup kuat.. i saw an episode in STRONG HEART.. die ceritakan kisah hidup die, mcm mane die naik... n until now, he still not crying, until he reach the top.. setiap kali kalo aku tengok gambar die with his thumbs up, i remember he saying that is a promise between him n his grandpa.. selagi dia x berjaya, dia xkan menangis... n now, i was crying for him.. Oppa fighting! TVXQ fighting..!

lepas ni aku x tau la pulak pasal sape aku akan nangis... inilah org2 yang telah menyentuh hati aku dengan persembahan diorg.. bukan dengan lagu2 sedih yang diorg nyanyi.. tp menyentuh hati au dengan persembahan yg deberikan dan terpancar di wajah diorg semangat yang x pernah luntur... harap artis malaysia pon dapat menyentuh hati peminat2!

kegilaan melanda~

kegilaan aku pada K-Pop kembalik (tambah2 k-drama) aish... sekali aku tgk, pasti nak abiskan time tu gak(smpai subuh br tdo) lol.. itulah demam kpop.. haha obses ke aku? hmmm.. ade yg ckp ye, ade yg ckp x.. tp nk buat macam mane... aku x boleh nak tahan... hahaha.. kalo gle lagu pon dah parah, (TVXQ, BIG BANG, SUJU, BEAST, 2PM...etc)

(no 1 in my personal chart~ lol.. yunho oppa~ <3)

inikan gile drama... panjang2 pulak tu(tp x sepanjang drama indon la).. aisshh... jeongmallo... aaarrgghh.. bile aku nk keje ni.. boleh la aku x gian balik.. T_T

(drama yang buat aku x tdo malam) lol...

kenapa~ wae?

hidup ni mesti selalu penuh dng tanda tanyer.. nape? perluka kita rase tertanya2??? for an exmple:

- boleh ke aku keje?

-macam mane ngan keputusan aku?

-mcm mane future aku?(terlampau kedepan.. lol)

-kawin ke aku?(bende yg slalu bermain di fikiran mak aku untuk aku.. lol)

tp soalan2 ni pasti akan terjawab.. mungkin besok, lusa ataupon beberapa tahun lagi.. namun walaupun sehari, rasa macam setahun je nk dpt jawapan tu..

so mcm mane? haha... tawakal, berserah dan x lupa juga berusaha.. (ckp senang la).. hahaha..

aku pon teringin nak bahagia mcm org lain.. tp mungkin Dia nk menduga aku.. i once told that, kita diuji sesuai dengan kemampuan kita menerimanya.. tujuannya untuk menyedarkan kita.. dan Dia sayangkan kita.. makin kuat dugaan tu, itu menunjukkan yg hanya kita yang mampu menerima ujian seberat tu.. ( so aku ni kuat jugakla kan... lol) but that is the truth.. mmg kita diuji mengikut kemampuan...

aku pernah membandingkan diri aku dan sorang membe ak.. aku brfikir, kalau die yang diuji seperti aku, pasti ida x kuat sebab dia berhati lembut.. ada hikmah suma ni berlaku..

jadi kawan2, tabahkan diri anda.. (kata2 semangat utk diri sendiri jugak) itu menandakan Dia sayangkan kita.. jd jgn kita lupakanNya..

afTer a Long tiMe

dah lame x jenguk blog ni~ tetibe rase nk tulis pulak~ hehe demam ape pon x tau.. tp kadang2, jeles ngan membe2 yg aktif ngan blog diorg.. ade je idea diorg nk share.. ke aku yg jenis malu nk share everything? im not sure.. nk kate aku x minat menulis, i love to write.. tp aku sendiri pon x tau nape.. dan skang, aku ingin mula berjinak2 semula ngan bidang penulisan.. bidang yg dah lama aku tinggalkan.. bidang yg merupakan hobi aku waktu dulu... ~ sila beli tunjuk ajar~ ^_^